Why The Method To The Madness Doesn’t Matter To Change Your Life
There is an epidemic in the personal development & entrepreneurial world.
I call it the Shortcut Short Circuit.
Don’t get me wrong, I obviously love the fact that people are driven and motivated to create change and growth in their life- it’s what I wake up everyday to facilitate in myself and in others BUT this short circuiting thing stops 80% of people from ever actually achieving what they want to create in the first place!
Let me explain.
BOOM. Your eyes open one day and you want more for yourself.
For your relationships, your body, your bank account, your future.
There is no BOOM, people!
No one, and I mean NO ONE, wakes up on a Wednesday, checks their schedule and says, hmmm lunch with Bob or turn my life upside down- whatever shall I choose?!
Let’s be real. The ‘boom’ is more a slow demise of the images you are trying to hard to hold on to or the pretend satisfaction that eats away at your day to day reality.
Or the boom happens OUTSIDE of you and then you are left shell shocked surrounded by shards of your former self with no super glue in sight. Illness, breakups, deaths, redundancies- you know those fun outer booms.
So now that we are admitting that most of us truly delve into our personal and professional growth when we just can’t bear living Groundhog Day anymore and the water that has been slowly dripping on the rock you called your reality has seeped through any crack it can find……you are now left with a few paths in front of you.
Path #1- scurry back to safety aka stuck ness aka personal inner hell.
So, this one is not likely a path anymore if you are reading these words because you probably have tried that multiple times without success.
Sure we can go back to what we know for short spurts of time, put on a happy face and hope no one notices we are holding our breath, BUT it gets old fast.
So sayonara Path #1.
Next we have door #2 (Vanna White twirl included in this visual!)
Path #2 looks sort of like path #1 in your mind, but it has different endings and results.
We do this because it allows our brain to want more out of life in all its areas but it doesn’t ACTUALLY require us to DO anything differently (yet.)
It helps you admit in small doses that you want something MORE for yourself.
This is HUGE!
And it’s also an impossibility. Even Einstein said it- the definition of insanity is repeating something again and again expecting a different outcome.
Now relax, I didn’t call you insane in a bad way- we have all one this one time or another (or if you are like me, about a million times, just to be sure) but it’s a good path to find yourself exploring.
It’s a BRIDGE to real sustainable change.
It’s you admitting to you that the old way just isn’t what you want or who you want to be. KUDOS! You are freeing yourself from the shackles of imaginary land!
So yes, you have no clue what to do next but that’s perfect.
You know why?
Because your brain is recalibrating. You Reticular Activating System is rebooting to start searching for new data, thank the LORD.
So no more Groundhog Day is in your future, superstar!
Before you start celebrating, prep yourself that this is when it can get a wee bit sticky.
You now know what you don’t want, you may have an inkling of what you do want BUT
1) You have no idea what to do next
2) You may also not know who the hell you are anymore (that’s the wee bit sticky part- spoiler alert)
When you sit at the end of path #2 you expect to feel all wise and free, maybe even smug.
YET you probably feel more scared, small and stuck than you did cluelessly banging your head against door #1.
Sure it’s a great short term feeling to see a new horizon for yourself but this is when you start doubting:
1. Your worthiness to get more
2. Your ability to figure it out
3. Your stamina to see this through into the unknown
4. Your fear of judgment and rejection if you truly step up and out of the cage
5. Likely your hair style because that’s the sort of thing you’ll busy yourself with changing when the whoppers seem to scary to touch but you don’t want to be stuck. (Trust me, ask your hairdresser how many times he or she sees that deranged ’change’ look in someone eyes at this stage!)
So path #2 feels good and then really really bad because there is no way to actually change here. It’s just your inner admittance that the cabin doors are closing on your old life and a way to help you wave goodbye without moving too quickly into a brick wall.
So at this point we turn to path #3.
(You’re welcome, take a deep breath, I wasn’t going to leave you there!)
There is something funny about path #3.
Depending on your view, it can be exhilarating AF or utterly confusing.
Path #3 is a ‘choose your own adventure’ one.
It has no set rules or structure, it has no absolute destination AND it’s sometimes difficult to measure ROIs and journey routs until you are farther along on it.
It’s the path of active surrender and curiosity.
It’s a blend of messy, exciting, freeing and empowering.
It’s the path you find the bits of yourself you forgot were there.
It’s the path that gives you the answer to why the ‘BOOM’ (more like slow crash) happened in the first place.
It’s the place of growth and lessons and it belongs to you.
Passion and purpose come back on this path and so does a resiliency to mess up more than you’d believe.
So the view from the front of the path looks anti climatic because the only thing to follow is your own voice in your head.
Which you likely haven’t heard clearly in a longgggg time.
It’s when you strip away the old voices- the teacher who told you you couldn’t write, the sibling you told you you’d amount to nothing, the ex that convinced you that you weren’t the greatest thing since sliced bread (you are by the way, I can help remind you why and how)
It’s the path that takes the pain and fear away to reveal who you were meant to be.
But ONLY by going step by step in this one will you find any of that out.
By messing up lots, taking detours that make no sense, trusting people you could’ve skipped and trying and tasting all of the juicy goodness and madness as you go.
HERE’S WHERE THE SHORT CIRCUIT HAPPENS!!!
We don’t like change.
Yea I’m aware how many books and courses there are about the topic and how many people spend millions a year of finding their way, but honestly?
Humans crave structure, habit and safety.
None of those exist in change making.
So we are left with a dilemma.
How are we supposed to choose path #3 (which sort of chooses US) while also staying safe and structured?
New structures that must work because someone with really good teeth and a soundtrack on their video series told you so!
Snark aside, there are tons of ways to skin the cat of change, but none of them will work if you don’t.
Stop worrying about which METHOD to choose and leap into the madness!
Don’t throw yourself into ONLY manifestation chants and green juices NOR belly flop into 5am hustle and grind with bullet proof coffee and nootropics.
They all work and they all don’t- you, my dear reader, are the ingredient that needs to be in the cake!!
When you constantly search for shortcuts to growth, change and success, you teach your pretty little brain a dangerous lesson.
You teach your brain that you are awesome at adrenaline rushes and quick fixes but NOT to follow through and intuition.
You teach your brain not to bother listening to your new budding inner voice that is learning and tilling the new lay of the land, but rather every Tom, Dick and Harry who dangles the riches of fool’s gold in a 10 page downloadable PDF (or worse, a $10k retreat that you are worthy of putting on your Amex- snark is BACK).
YOU short circuit your growth and success options.
Here’s the ironic part.
You know what happened between path #1, 2 and 3 that you didn’t get to realize yet?
You started clearing the decks unconsciously for what you actually want.
SO DO MORE OF THAT!
Now I know we can’t do this stuff solely on our own, which is why I coach people, but the path is lead by you, not by someone else’s way, method or language.
Learn to ask yourself better questions. Hire someone FOR you to show you wht you can’t see about yourself yet. Lean into the glory of not knowing and getting a change to rebuild WITHOUT standing on a shorter line to a destination you didn’t even want!
So please please remember.
This is YOUR circus with your monkeys here.
Lean into how weird it feels and go THROUGH- that’s when the path becomes yours, regardless of any method you can find.