Permission Granted aka Stop Giving a Sh*t What Everyone Thinks
I am growing fast in my business. Faster than I’d believe, to be honest.
Along that working my ass off journey, I started to feel what I hear lots of clients say to me played back in my own head and I thought it was time to help people sort this shiz once and for all.
Likely a tad crazy if you hang out on here like I do….
But you STILL ask for permission- from others, from the younger you, from mistakes and fuck ups that make you tentative to just forge forward and make all of the moneys and enjoy all of the things.
Listen, I know it sucks to admit it- I thought I was long over it too but every time you (and I) gear up to do something big, sell something new or step more into the spotlight, that permission thing can creep up.
So let’s go at it head on, shall we?
WHY WE DO IT:
You are human. As independent and out of the box we entrepreneurs like to see ourselves as, we humans kinda like to not be stranded alone.
We crave acceptance, belonging and a feeling of being seen, understood and heard.
So anything that threatens that in our pretty little brains will set off a stress response to ABORT MISSION AND MARCH BACK IN LINE!
We want to know we will be safe if we go big, defy the norm, succeed beyond our family’s set points, surpass our friends’ definitions of what’s allowed…even when logical you think you really don’t give a shit.
You probably don’t EXCEPT your safety valve inside still does.
So you dream big, you rev up with adrenaline, coffee and post it notes and then you feel that invisible clothes line cut your speed off right when you are ready to charge forward.
It shows up in failed plans, procrastination, doubt about stuff you could’ve SWORN you were sure about…..just to name a few.
The most frustrating part is the realization that you ‘need’ permission because FFS haven’t you gotten rid of that already every other time you have done something new?
Look, let’s face it it’s REALLY embarrassing to fail or slip up in front of people.
To think that in the big ‘they’ out there, there would be people who would judge, mock even cheer that ‘they’ were right and you really aren’t all you want to think you are.
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT:
I’ve got good news and bad news.
Good news is, most of this is in your HEAD.
The big “THEY’ out there? Are far busier worrying about their own lawns and their own images to take the real time to piss on your parade.
Sure there are people who may judge, wish you ill or even disbelieve that what you want to do is possible.
That’s totally cool. That’s their choice. But in actuality, it cannot affect your actions unless you LET it.
Bad news is, it being mostly in your own head doesn’t make it any less real, scary or even crippling.
I could print up permission slips and hand one to each of you and it still would NOT help you feel free to soar.
Only you can cut those cords.
Here’s a few ideas how:
a) WRITE A LETTER
This can be as creative, formal or even ridiculous as you’d like.
It can be to the vast “THEY’ out there or to specific people you feel play a part in the stories your head is telling you.
You can present why you want permission, you can tell them to fuck off, you can ask for forgiveness…you can do it however frees you from this dialogue but DO IT FULLY.
This is for you, not to send. It teaches your brain that you are closing the loop of an open conversation- the only one that matters is for you to get out what you need to to move forward.
BONUS POINTS: Write a response letter from that person back to yourself with permission granted 🙂
You can keep these or burn them or shred them- go with your gut on this.
b) LIST YOUR LEGACY
Take out a paper and list out for yourself all that you will feel, be and do IF you can get out of your own way and stop caring what others will think that stops you from action taking.
I mean details- go funeral speech, tombstone list, Nobel Peace Prize intro level of accomplishments.
Until your brain sees it more worthwhile to win at life than to stay safe, it won’t budge.
So SHOW IT THE PROVERBIAL MONEY!
Go back to your why go back to the reasons and the wisdom you know and fast forward in your head to what you will contribute when your dream actualizes into clients, money, impact, influence!
Always a go to for me in my ‘prescriptions’- pre and post rituals when you do something big and scary-
Example: Want to write that book?
Have a pre-writing playlist and coffee mug only used for that state change, define a place in the house you only write in.
Have a post- writing celebratory activity- go for a run, ring a bell, do a dance, watch a film- but MARK IT!
This way all small moves towards your big dreams belong to YOU again- not for approval or rejection from others!
Let the process become yours again and find fun ways to make that so.
Does it go away completely? So far I haven’t seen it yet BUT it does last shorter and matter less as you practice!
Let the drivers for what you want move more towards INTRINSIC so your wins become yours and your ‘fails’ (I don’t believe in em) become lessons to go better and harder next time.