blog 13

Embrace Your Inner A**hole

You know the triggers.

The people in your feed who annoy the ever loving BLEEP out of you

The family members who seem to wait to pounce the second you start letting old shit go

The friends who feel threatened by your growth and success

The clients who drag their feet, mess with your schedule, question your work, compare you with others-

Nothin better to unleash that inner asshole who wants to either watch people die or shut off from the world! (both very viable options in the trigger moment, I’m aware)

In those moments, you wonder- why should I keep bothering?

‘If the more self aware I become , the more rage I feel or the more frustrated I get to the reality that most people won’t come along for the ride’….why would you even continue doing the work to get where you say you want to go?!

It’s a great question!

Lots of days most of us have moments when we wish we didn’t know so damn much about what we don’t want and /or feel so driven about what we do want.

Far easier to just be a muggle cog and give less fucks about passion, purpose and success, right?

Naaaaa that would be no fun!

Ok so what can you do about it?

1. ACCESS THE TRIGGERS LIKE A DETECTIVE

Most people will lovingly tell you to forget about the naysayers, ignore the assholes ho bother you and move on.

I won’t 🙂

And here’s WHY.

There’s juicy data within those people you want to punch.

Data for you to grow from.

So forget the story part and do the research for yourself when you get ragey.

a) why do they piss you off?

b) what’s the repeating pattern for you?

c) how many times have you run this in your life and when?

d) what would you want to learn from this (other than ninja killing skills)?

When you come at the trigger response with curiosity, you can learn a TON about who you do and don’t want to be and what else you want to create instead.

2. FORTIFY YOURSELF TO THE POINT OF STEEL

In other words, get stronger and more calm within yourself.

When I’m at the top of my game, emails from my asshole ex husband don’t even phase me.

On a day I’m less solid? Those emails can wallop me for 2 days.

Why?

Because I didn’t put myself FIRST, I didn’t remember who I am in that moment, and I got carried away by old stuff.

Just like you do.

Old habits, former mistakes, repeating fear mines- they weaken your resolve and they pull you back in your timeline to a place you had less tools and choice.

NOTICE IT AND CHECK YOUR TOOLBOX.

What do you want to do instead of autopilot?

What different outcome do you want?

What are you prepared to do to get it?

Climb back up and start again.

3. BUILD A BOUNTY OF BOUNDARIES

I’ll be the last person to tell you not to be an asshole…just stop being an asshole to YOURSELF

Set your non-negotiables and stick to them.

Say no more often without apologizing.

Save your energy for those who deserve it and stop worrying about the rest of the ‘they’ out there.

Guess what? You getting ragey doesn’t impact them in the least!

So unfollow, unfriend, clean up your timeline on social media AND in real life!

Don’t force yourself to be in situations that are anything less than good for you.

I used to think I had to still be the suburban mom on the sports bench and play nice with the boring mommies, until I saw I would lose days punching pillows feeling like I was less than.

So I stopped.

I left women entrepreneur groups that drove me fucking nuts with pink macaroons and matching shoes at the Eiffel Tower.

I cleaned up my friends list and didn’t feel bad about it.

I stopped giving my time away to prove something to people who didn’t give a shit.

I started standing up for myself and gasp- nobody died but rather I earned respect for it.

You can’t expect massive results, mindset shifts or energy to focus and accomplish more if your life is cluttered with everyone else’s stuff you didn’t invite in.

So my darling assholes- use it as fuel to choose better, dream bigger and focus harder.

You’ll thank the day you did. Trust me.

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